Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
