this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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