return my video game
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
