had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
