Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
