I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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