mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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