it wasn't lemon gatorade
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
