Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
