Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Randomize
