I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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