I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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