I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
