Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
