matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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