So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
