if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Every concussion has its silver lining
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
