how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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