the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
