You just made me feel so damn special
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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