I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
