So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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