K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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