I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
