soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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