but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
