Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
