Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
