i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
