This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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