i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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