it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
