Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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