Small penises have feelings too.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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