I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
