dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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