You're my little dorito
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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