I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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