the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
