I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
