I want to make a zoo with you.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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