This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
