you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
