I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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