Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
