i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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