Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
