im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
