my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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