So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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